As I began to play my trombone more regularly in early 2013, I felt like I was being connected to something beyond me. Each time I would play a Bach suite or a Rochut etude, it was as if my innermost being was being awakened. As I mentioned in part 1, I had kept my piano chops fresh along the way, and while there is certainly a spiritual connection in the piano, there was something different about playing the trombone that I just couldn't put my finger on.
Later that year Heather and I began going to counseling for some family issues we were having. In the course of counseling, some of my spiritual history began to emerge. I learned that our counselor had a story very similar to mine (Christian -> agnostic -> Christian again). As he and I began to talk one on one, he said something interesting to me, that in his 30+ years of experience he noticed when a person goes from being a Christian to an agnostic or atheist, there is usually a life event that corresponds to the questioning/doubting of the original beliefs. As I began to ponder this, I realized that for me that life event was the point I had put down my horn. Prior to that, the trombone had been an integral part of me. When I laid the horn down, it was as if I laid a huge part of myself down.
Suddenly, things were starting to make sense for me. The spiritual veil being lifted was my re-connecting with God/Creator. What I still couldn't understand, though, was how I could really know who God is. During my 17 years as an agnostic, I had pretty much jettisoned all my prior theology. Now that I was starting to be open to the possibility that there might, in fact, be a divine being moving in me, I wasn't quite sure how to relate to him/her/it!
One thing that was clear was that I knew I was created to make music. I began to realize that I had to reconnect with the trombone player and symphonic composer in me. In hindsight, I believe this was God moving in me to show me how to relate to him.
Stay tuned…
As always, I look forward to your comments and feedback!
Lee