I wake with heart stormy like the gathering clouds. I ask the Lord if this is what it’s supposed to be like after a weekend at a prayer retreat. He gently responds that He has given me a tool and I need to use it.
Why am I so slow to remember? These are not hard circumstances, just busy and a bit chaotic. I must get this discipline grooved deeper in my life.
It has to become my default mode else more mornings will be like this one with short tongue and critical eye and tone fighting to stay civil and not unleash the turbulence rolling inside.
Yes, they could be neater. And, yes, they could be more respectful, and, yes, they could be more…perfect…but in allowing turbulence to define my perspective I am losing the pleasing aspects so evident in each one if I would but take a moment to pause and look.
- Sparkling blue eyes, quick smile, tender heart this gentle giant of mine.
- Creativity manifest, steadfast heart, diligent hands this my oldest child.
- Bubbling joy, desire to please, loves to organize this my messy one.
- Open smile, bright eyes, love of learning this the youngest girl.
- Fashionista, artistic eye, teachable teacher my number three.
- Disciplined, determined, deep my fourth born.
Then there’s my husband…who took on kids and schedules and rides and produce so I could go away for weekend and then helped with smoothie-making this morning and silly me had to fight to see what had happened (which was plenty) instead of what hadn’t.
And my heart settles and the inconvenient messes fade to the background as I swell with love thankfulness for these precious gifts I could hardly see before for all the noise inside.
Thanksgiving has quieted that raucous clamor that vied to keep my eyes on what wasn’t happening instead of what was.
This continual focus on lack is a deep groove in my life and it is causing me to MISS OUT on so much goodness God is pouring out right before my eyes. He doesn’t want me to miss it. He knows if I slow down to see, really see, my heart will calm and the Reality of His Presence will take its proper place next to the reality of my circumstances.
As messy as they may seem, they are nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing…not even the size and substance of a speck of dust, next to the tiniest drop of God’s goodness in my life.
And I have way more than a drop.
God is good…all the time. Go check out Ann Voskamp’s blog for ideas of what 3 gifts you can be on the lookout for each day in March. And read today's post over there while you're at it. She's taught me so much about this need to see and looks like she's blogging about it today too ...
*this blog post first appeared here at Come to the Chamber on March 19, 2012