It's hopelessness that drives through my door and breaks through thin strength to see me crumble to the floor. As I lay low, I see only the shambles of past and present expectations…how things would be if only…how things should be if only…a future now shrouded with the cloak of fear of more disappointment clouds my vision. I remember, though, that I cannot see what I cannot see.
Still, this way is hard and the path obscure and muddled and fraught with pain that I thought I was avoiding by doing all of the "right" things in the best way I knew how thinking I was going to reap certain rewards from living a godly life, not imagining that often those rewards are on the other side of the process of pain that needs to be embraced so that sorrow can do the work of enlarging my soul far more than I ever imagined was possible or needed.
This slow death, this sometimes rapid decline, of ideals of a life well-lived is surely, "silently and lavishly" sowing the seeds of new life…and who can know what the new will bring? I only need to let myself be lifted off the floor and set between Hope's shoulders to rest for a while and allow His Hope within me to arise strong and fierce once again.
As He stands with me, having stooped low to scoop me up and lovingly place me up on His back, I look out with the shifted perspective of a child up high on the shoulders of her daddy. Here I can see beyond, out past the pain of disappointment, to Hope rising up from seeds cast far and wide.
Hope doesn't disappoint because Hope doesn't stop showing up. When all hope seems lost, Hope pushes its way up past the charred remains, a smidge of green on an otherwise stark landscape, reminding me to look, always look, for a glimpse of the grandeur to come when Hope springs anew.
P.S. As I was preparing this blog post, I was reminded, yet again, that Hope knows my name. I capitalize Hope because it is one of the ways that Jesus comes to me. A few weeks ago Isaiah 49 was highlighted to me by Holy Spirit to encourage my heart regarding some of God's promises. This morning as I was searching for a verse on hope that I had read recently, Isaiah 49:23 popped up…the exact one that God had used to remind me of His promises a few weeks ago. Hope springs anew sometimes moment by moment. It seems new, but really it's that I'm being reminded. So, read below for some verses on hope that I'm using to center and ground myself in Truth today.
There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit! Romans 5:5 MSG
and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:5 NASB
Romans 15:13, "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (NASB)
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