I started blogging daily as an action step for my goal. Maybe getting me to blog daily was God's main purpose in getting me in this challenge. I've had aspirations of consistent blogging, but something always got in the way, usually something called p-e-r-f-e-c-t-i-o-n.
I mentioned briefly in a previous post a revelation I got one day during the challenge: perfectionism is the devil's idea, not God's.
Just like satan thought he knew better than God, could improve on God's plan in some way, perfectionism sees something as "flawed" the way it is and doesn't rest until it's been improved. Except the problem is, it's never enough.
When I was a young mom, my poor kids lived under the "not enough" cloud. There rooms were never clean enough, the handwriting neat enough, their diets healthy enough, their chores done good enough. Perfectionism robbed them and me of a lot of joy. It was only a projection of what I was telling myself every day deep down inside…nothing was enough. I drove my kids hard, but I drove myself even harder.
Thankfully, God got my attention, and I got to work on letting go while all of my kids were still at home. You can definitely tell a difference in the interactions of the ones who grew up with less of a perfectionistic mom.
This daily blog exercise has been another step in the letting go process. I care a lot about words and grammar and spelling. I read and reread sentences to make sure they are properly crafted with correct punctuation. I pick up on errors in written work all of the time and wonder how they got past an editor/proofreader.
But if I'm going to blog regularly, I have to let go of some of that or I'll never hit publish or never write.
Dr. Perkus says often that the working out of the intention-affirmation happens in the actions we take afterwards. They are proof that the process has taken hold and that change has happened.
He also says not to judge too quickly as what may seem like inaction or lack of change is actually just an incubation process. When he talks about his process of writing a book in 30 days while working through his blocks through his own AFT process, he describes going to the library and taking notes for two weeks but not really getting any writing done. However, when he set his goal to write 10 pages/day for 15 days, all of that note taking bore fruit in the writing he was able to subsequently do.
So often we are in the "pre-work" process and yet judging ourselves for not being where we "should" be, thinking that if we were really on schedule, we would be in some other more perfect state.
Someone asked me the other day what I thought about thoughts that say "you're too old," "you're behind," you've missed your opportunity," etc. I said I think they're a bunch of hooey.
Perfectionism says you're not enough. Truth says you are.
I'm learning to let go of these perfectionistic thoughts as the Truth like yeast is working its way through every area of my life.
These blogs certainly aren't perfect. I've lost a few subscribers along the way. I've gained a few too. I'm sure there's a misspelled word, a dangling participle, and a misplaced modifier here and there.
But I'm writing. I'm making progress. I'm somehow moving in the direction of my goal.
I started blogging on the actual Day 2 of the challenge, but I called it Day 1 which means today is really Day 29 and tomorrow Day 30. I can't believe it's almost complete. I've enjoyed the nightly discipline of blogging.
I'm so grateful for this journey.
Finishing out the night with my big bodacious goal/affirmation:
"I am a burning bush and I move joyfully and excitedly towards my goal of receiving $100,000 monthly beginning November 30, 2017 for my YL and AFT expertise, pressed down, shaken together and running over. Signs and wonders follow me as God pours out His love all over me."
If you've never ready Brene Brown's work The Gifts of Imperfection, do yourself a favor and go right now to find it and then read it.