After my AFT session with Terry a couple of days ago, as we were signing off she says to me, "This may sound weird, but…" I laughed. Weird is my game. I once taught two breakout session at a worship seminar called "Why be weird" and "How to be weird." It's not that I strive to be weird, but I do recognize that some of the things I'm drawn to, the way I worship, the prophetic nature of my life…well, some people don't know what to make of them or of me.
And that's usually ok. I'm learning to not let it bother me although I do know how to tone it down and be what people are comfortable with…at least I used to be.
I'm not sure I want to do that anymore.
Brene' Brown's newest book title says it all: Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone. Sometimes being yourself means you stand alone. Truth is, if I'm being a chameleon, inside I'm still standing alone…or maybe it's set apart? Not set apart as in "I'm better than you" but rather a "set apart" that just means I'm created for a different purpose that's just "other," which sometimes looks like "weird."
But like Brene' talks about in her book, I'm learning to belong to myself so that I actually belong wherever I am. When I am at home in my own skin, being who God has created me to be, then I am always connected to Him and in Him there is always a sense of belonging. (I've just started the book, but so far it is proving to be as amazing as all of her other books I've read. So do yourself a favor and go read it.)
Part of this journey I am on in the 30-Day Miracle Challenge is learning to fully embrace myself and what I am created to do. Most people I interact with look at me strangely when I talk about what I do. Some are suspicious, and while they don't come right out and say it, I can tell they wonder if it's really "safe" for a Christian to do.
It isn't safe at all if you're looking to keep your life nice and tidy and your emotions in check. I ran into a good friend I haven't seen in a while at the grocery store the other day who has been keeping up with me via Facebook. "I see what you're doing, but I'm just not ready for that yet," she explained to me in the drink aisle. I smiled compassionately because I know she's hesitant to dive into emotions she's been told her whole life to keep in check. The tears that brimmed from her eyes told me, though, that she's more ready than she realizes.
Terry told me to take my bottle of Transformation oil and wear it on my body, in a pocket or tucked away in my bra, for a couple of days. The frequency of the oil, she explained, would help bring my body more quickly into alignment with the truth God was speaking to me through the Esther story. I didn't sound weird to me at all, and if it did, I'd still do it because I'm learning that weird mostly means different or strange, as in it's something new I'm not familiar with.
So I took Terry's suggestion and have been wearing my bottle of Transformation oil on my person. I don't know exactly how it's affecting me on an energetic level, but I do know it is a solid, tangible reminder of my AFT moment with her and the purpose God is calling me to fully embrace.
Today I wrestle less with the fears that beg me to play it safe and to lay low. I'm being transformed by the renewing of my mind through the power of the Holy Spirit as He works in and through me through this 30-Day AFT practice.
As I head to bed tonight, I will stand in front of my mirror, raise my arms up in the air, smile confidently and declare, "I radiate joy and excitement as I effortlessly and seamlessly walk to my goal of manifesting $100,000 monthly beginning November 30, 2017." As I state it, I will envision myself as Queen Heather (a la Queen Esther), with my royal scepter in hand (it even has slots for all of my AFT oils!!!), my feet fitted with the finest leather shoes made for riding roller coasters, my clothing that fits just right and that I can be 100% myself in, and my heart filled to overflowing with gratitude and a deep awareness of Holy Spirit within and all around me.