I woke up with the plummeting feeling of failure overshadowing every area of life. Nothing seemed up to par, and I couldn’t see any possible way to fix or correct the overwhelming number of things that felt wrong. All of my roles in life were riddled with mistakes and seemingly insurmountable obstacles. I wanted to give up, throw in the towel, and go back to just being comfortable.
About 10 months ago, we decided to leave behind the comforts of corporate America and venture out into the unknown world of Entrepreneurship. Little did I know that every possible place I could be tested would be tested when it came to identity.
For years I had been a fairly confident mom, homeschooling my 6 children while leading our local online homeschool group, leading worship, heading up an inner healing ministry, running our household, managing our health choices, starting a Young Living Essential Oil business, etc.
I had moments of indecision and lots of overwhelm because of the sheer enormity of educating six amazing humans and maintaining a semblance of order in all of the other areas simultaneously. But overall, I felt secure in the path we were on and in my ability to do the right things to ensure the best outcome possible.
Then life happened in unexpected ways which caused me to question myself and every decision I had ever made. Some questioning of that nature may be fine and healthy, but mine went beyond healthy into an obsessive and nearly unceasing review of anything from random events to serious decisions that I had a part in.
I call it a review, but it was more like an intense audit every day of every past event that came to mind that would start early in the morning and, depending on the day, could immobilize me until evening; even events with favorable outcomes were rehashed and combed through for ways I could have done better.
It’s not as bad as it used to be, a story I’ll tell another day, but it still knocks the wind out of me every now and then, and this particular day was one of those days magnified.
In the moment, deep down, I knew that I just needed someone to remind me of what was true as I couldn’t seem to dial that information up for myself.
My business coach and mentor’s name popped into my head, and I promptly dug for her business card in my bag. She had said I could call her anytime, and I was about to take her up on that.
Unable to contain the sobs when she answered the phone, through the tears I told her I felt like giving up and that I couldn’t imagine how I could ever be the mom I need to be, manage all of my household duties, AND build a business that I could be proud of. (I had wisely already dropped all of the other activities I had been a part of before beginning this new season. If I hadn’t, can you imagine??? Thankful.)
“Take a deep breath,” Janet told me. “This is a difficult stage you’re in, but it’s not going to last forever.”
As she reminded me to breathe and helped bring perspective to my perfectionistic-riddled emotions gone south, peace began to enter my heart and mind.
I just needed a perspective shift.
“You’re growing, you’re changing, you’ve just been on a trip that has impacted you in some really big ways. You’re feeling anxious and worried because you aren’t yet helping anyone [with your business]. You have some loose ends and you can’t see how it’s all going to work out. But I guarantee you, in a year or two, we will sit back and remember this day and you’ll be able to see how far you’ve come.”
Then she said: “I want you to be thankful for this day. It’s teaching you something and causing growth, so go ahead and be thankful.”
Gratitude. It’s a game-changer for certain. My state before calling Janet was completely focused on my perceived failings and mistakes and the impossibilities ahead of me…all of the mountains that seems insurmountable. Her firm reminder took my eyes off of the “how” and placed them right on the “Who.”
We’re not on this venture willy-nilly. We didn’t just blindly decide to step off a cliff. We aren’t alone (as Janet also regularly reminds me). We are following an adventure inspired in our hearts by God.
And while there are days that I will question and wonder what the heck I think I’m doing, I’m going to better learn to walk in Janet’s instruction: Be thankful for this moment. God is behind me. He’s before me. He’s beside me. He’s all around me. Opportunities for growth are opportunities to offer up thanksgiving and opens me up to greater possibilities than I could ever imagine on my own.
What has you overwhelmed today? Try uttering aloud a few words of thanksgiving for the moment you are in and for what it is teaching you (even if you can’t imagine what it could be).
And let me remind you: you are not the sum of your mistakes and failures or those you have suffered at the hand of others.
You have an amazing story and every hardship you encounter is being pressed into the service of God to mold and shape you into who you are created to be.
Nothing in His hands goes to waste.
Everything is redeemed and made beautiful in its time.
So, take a breath, my friend, and give thanks! This is a valuable moment in time. Get from it all it can teach you and then let it go as you move more fully into your created purpose.
I am passionate about helping people to become all they are created to be, leaving behind old patterns of thinking, of eating, of feeling, to embrace the life they are meant to live. If you’d like me to walk with you on this journey, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let’s discuss a plan that works best for you.