The anxiety isn't as oppressive anymore, but it still lingers in the background, wooing my thoughts into the pool of despair and discouragement. Things done wrong or gone wrong or going wrong can fill my mind fast and furious, and when it's 5:30 in the morning, I struggle to wrangle them into submission. I confess, many a morning in the grog of sleep and exhaustion, I sit down in them and allow them to take me away into vain imaginings and fretful outcomes.
This morning, I grabbed my essential oil blend Sacred Mountain* and inhaled it deeply into the unrest and swirling thoughts. They started to settle. I lit my candle, took a sip of tea, and read my devotional.** This sentence caught my attention: "All is well and all will be well."
I've decided that this is to become my new intention before bed each night and when I wake each morning because in my spirit I know this to be true. It's my uncertain soul that has yet to land on bedrock truth, and I get it. We've been through a lot. Our fears have played out into our lives and things I never thought I'd go through have hit me full in the face.
No one likes that kind of pain, so my thoughts rush in with goals of self-protection as if thinking through all of the bad things happening and all the ones that could happen could actually protect me from future pain.
But pain is a part of life. So is trouble and hardship and unexpected disappointments and mistakes and wrong turns and missed opportunities. I can choose to sit in those places and allow fears and worries and concerns to be my focus, to absorb my attention and to fill my thoughts.
Or I can make a different choice.
That choice is never easy for me. Believe me, the ruckus inside my head is deafening and alluring and convincing, especially at 5:30 a.m. for the last 4 1/2 years. But, if I've learned anything during this time, it's that those thoughts don't actually ever get it right.
Sure, something may need my attention and I may need a course correction, but the truth is "All is well and all will be well."
So, to the fears I have for my children I declare: All will be well.
To the stress and anxiety over building a business, bringing in an income, figuring out flow and timing and tasks I say: All will be well.
To my heart that worries and frets and fixates on all that is not perfect, I emphatically declare: ALL WILL BE WELL.
Peace, my soul. Peace.
I want to inscribe this on my subconscious, to drive it deep into the deepest places of my heart so that when the tumult of angst and worry swirl loud and strong, the resounding response is the centering voice that rises higher still, calling me back to the truth that Jesus, the Prince of Peace, has overcome…has come over and over shadowed, has intermingled and absorbed into His being, every harm and distress that could every come my way. Because of this I can experience the challenges of this life and still say:
All is well and all will be well.
*I'm finding Young Living Essential Oils to be an important part of my emotional process, in particular the Aroma Freedom Technique which I regularly practice on myself and others. If you're interested in learning more, send me an email and check back here as I plan to write more about it in the near future
**Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Day by Day: A 40-Day Journey with the Daily Office by Peter Scazzero [affiliate link] is my devotional au jour. I light my candle, sit in centering silence (or, truthfully, the house is silent but my thoughts are still racing and I have yet to achieve any kind of silence with them that lasts longer than a second) for two-ish, and then read the short devotional and reflect on the accompanying question. I've round this rhythm to be helpful, particularly the lighting of the candle and the sitting in "silence" to be an important start to my day.